Today, the Dr. Phil Show discussed the on-going issue of women being victim to domestic violence. I wish men would understand that when they physically and/or emotionally abuse a woman they are really saying to the world, "I'm am an insecure, unhappy person that doesn't know what else to do to make myself feel better and I am a coward!" They don't seem to understand that their actions DO NOT make them superior, stronger or respected; their actions make them look like uneducated, ignorant idiots.
When a man hits a woman he is someone who never addressed his own insecurities or received any type of therapy for unresolved personal conflicts or tragedies. Men who try to make themselves feel better by bullying and/or hitting on women/children who are smaller or physically weaker than they are is pathetic and appalling.
When a man instills fear into others it WILL NOT bring him respect it will only come back to him with in the form of anger and resentment from the people (he thinks) that love him. Men who hit women have no respect for women and think that only men should be respected.
Through education and support, women can learn to empower themselves out of this viscous cycle that often can end in death. No woman deserves to be beaten or live in fear. It amazes me how men still think that women are nothing more than subservient, domestic house slaves. - What a load of crap!
Throughout time, women have proved that we have the power to be intelligent, talented and successful, without the help of a man. Women do not have to be under the authority of any man to live a successful life. Education is a powerful tool for women, it is the pathway out of poverty and control, it leads to self-reliance and financial independence.
No woman should have to suffer by the hands of man and this is what we need to teach our daughters. The one thing all mothers should want for their daughters is INDEPENDENCE. Independence on other people for money, food, childcare, etc., can lead to a life of misery and regret. Life is too short to let "some man" unfairly beat on you and control every aspect of your life. A woman is not a second-class citizen, a woman deserves respect just as much as men.
When a man hits a woman we all suffer. The best way to "fight back" is NOT to use your fists, but to use your brain.
For more information on domestic violence and what you can do to help, please visit
http://drphil.com/shows/page/end_the_silence/
Female Empowerment
The media seems to highlight and glamorize the worst of women, thereby enticing women to duplicate these behaviors for fame and money. This blog is to encourage and teach women to empower themselves to be educated, successful and respected through The FEM Method -
Face Your Fears, Educate Yourself, Map it Out.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
"Sister Wives" - Why are these women degrading themselves?
"Sister Wives" - Click here to view article on cnn.com
Why are these four women degrading themselves? Why would you willingly share a man with three other women? He gets to be with four different women and yet these women all share one man. No woman should have to share a man. Is it expected of men to share women with each other? No. Is there a show called "Brother Husbands"? - No.
Why does the media consistently seem to give the impression that women have to compete with each other for a man's affections? A woman can have female friends and be married to a man, she can find the "sisterly" bonds outside of this sick, perverted way of living with a man who wants to have multiple wives.
This show is ridiculous and again, is sending the wrong message to our younger generation of women!
Why are these four women degrading themselves? Why would you willingly share a man with three other women? He gets to be with four different women and yet these women all share one man. No woman should have to share a man. Is it expected of men to share women with each other? No. Is there a show called "Brother Husbands"? - No.
Why does the media consistently seem to give the impression that women have to compete with each other for a man's affections? A woman can have female friends and be married to a man, she can find the "sisterly" bonds outside of this sick, perverted way of living with a man who wants to have multiple wives.
This show is ridiculous and again, is sending the wrong message to our younger generation of women!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Teen Mom's violent outburst - another great role model
Teen Mom Article - Read Here
Teen Mom Amber Portwood, violently attacks her father on an episode of MTV's "Teen Mom" show. She is now going to be featured on even more magazine covers and be a spokesperson for domestic violence. The only reason she regrets what she did is because the show that she did this on finally aired and now has to deal social services threatening to take her child away.
Haven't we seen this before? People on reality shows do things to "spike" up the ratings and get more individual publicity. Now, of course, we see her crying on TV, saying that "it wasn't really her" and that "she needs help". She knew exactly what she was doing and unfortunately our society is going to glorify her, making it yet even more trendy that teenage girls become obnoxious, violent and pregnant.
When is this viscous cycle going to end?
Teen Mom Amber Portwood, violently attacks her father on an episode of MTV's "Teen Mom" show. She is now going to be featured on even more magazine covers and be a spokesperson for domestic violence. The only reason she regrets what she did is because the show that she did this on finally aired and now has to deal social services threatening to take her child away.
Haven't we seen this before? People on reality shows do things to "spike" up the ratings and get more individual publicity. Now, of course, we see her crying on TV, saying that "it wasn't really her" and that "she needs help". She knew exactly what she was doing and unfortunately our society is going to glorify her, making it yet even more trendy that teenage girls become obnoxious, violent and pregnant.
When is this viscous cycle going to end?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The FEM Method
I created The FEM Method after being asked, by many women, "How did you get to where you are today?" When I thought about it, I realized that I did three things to help me not be a product of my environment, take control of my life and learn to accept myself the way I am. Overcame my fears, educated myself and mapped out a plan of action. The FEM Method - Face Your Fears, Educate Yourself, Map it Out.
I did not create anything that will win the Nobel Peace Prize or make me the next Tony Robbins. I just wanted to create a method out of my experiences to help other women do what I did. Empower myself to get of the negative people in my life, achieve my personal goals and accept myself for the way I am.
To inspire women to empower themselves with personal stories, I don't think, is enough. Some women, even if they are inspired, don't know exactly where to start, therefore feel too overwhelmed and never reach the goals they want to.
No, I am not a scientist, lawyer or famous celebrity. Nor do I have a high IQ and am by no means am I perfect. However, the mistakes and failures in my life became the stepping stones to achieving my goals - but I still have other goals I am trying to achieve. I chose to take a path that would lead me to be self-reliant, responsible and successful.
What's the number one reason people achieve what they have always dreamed about?
What stops people from even trying?
Fear. Fear of rejection, failure, humiliation, financial-loss, etc. It is the fear, not the end results, that stop people from achieving their goals. Ironically, if you never try at something, you will never realize your full potential. Remember, success cannot exist without failure - to know success is to know failure. Your mistakes teach you what you need to improve on in order to achieve your personal goals. Therefore you must Face Your Fears and create a solution to overcome them.
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing
you will make one."
~ Elbert Hubbard
My example:
My fear was my weight. I was always an active child, but when puberty hit, my
metabolism, like may other female teenagers, took a nose dive, and I put on 15
pounds. I was 5'1 and went from 110 to 125 pounds and (according to the
weight charts) I was still in my healthy weight range. I knew I had gained weight, but wasn't too upset, I just took it in stride and thought I just needed to be more active.
My "taking it in stride" had all come crashing down and transformed itself into self-loathing, fear and anxiety thanks to my relatives. My relatives introduced me to the "F" word - they told me I was "fat". I was told that I would never have a boyfriend and that I would never be able to be a dancer or actress liked I had hoped. I was reminded about my "weight problem" on a weekly basis and at every cook out, holiday and birthday party. So then I started these ridiculous starvation diets that my mother was always on and began a viscous cycle of starving and overeating; thereby, making food the center of my world.
Years later, I would have to endure this mental abuse again from my first husband. When I was 26-years-old, I had decided enough is enough.
My first husband left me, tried to come back, and I told him to get out. I
didn't want anymore of his mental abuse and I had had enough of my relatives.
My fear about my weight and anxiety of having to hear negative comments came
to end when I had no more contact with him or my relatives.
I only associated myself with people who were positive and supportive. It
took some time, but I learned to change my thinking about food, accepted
myself the way I was and no longer overate on the weekends - and with
exercising - I had lost those 15 pounds, without dieting. Therefore, once I
became confident and secure with myself, I became strong enough that no one
could tear me down, emotionally, about the way I looked. I no longer saw food as a reward or ultimate pleasure, pursued other positive outlets that replaced my need for food. I taught myself that food is fuel for the body, not to soothe emotional scars or numb any pain or sadness. Taking on problems and fears head on, solving them, being responsible for my actions, replaced my need to drown in food or alcohol.
I also learned how to speak up for myself if someone says something inappropriate to me - I no longer allow ANYONE to blatantly disrespect, degrade or humiliate me - to my face. This includes relatives. I do not think that because someone is older and shares my bloodline that that gives them a right to tear me down emotionally or mentally. I have freed myself from being a victim, I refuse to be a victim of someone's unnecessary, insensitive and childish antics due to their need to try and control my feelings. People who overly criticize others (of whom they know and don't know) are actually showing you how insecure they are with themselves. They have to put down other people in order to make themselves feel better. These are the type of people I no longer associate with.
Education
Education is the pathway out of poverty. Education give you the skills needed to improve your career, health and personal life. When my husband left, I had to constantly work 2-3 jobs to stay in my house. Even though, I was able to survive, working that many jobs for the rest of my life was not realistic. Therefore, I knew that if I obtained a Bachelors Degree I would be able to apply for a job that offered a higher salary. I took the time to speak to a senior co-worker about how I could advance my salary, did some additional research and set out to change my financial future. Educate Yourself to learn how to improve your life.
Plan of Action
Once I realized what I had wanted to do and what I needed to do, I created an outline, a checklist of what needed to be accomplished. I needed to figure out what school was best, what scheduling worked best and what time I had available for my studies. When those details were worked out, I then created a list of classes that I needed to complete. As I was attending school, I made a list of companies that were hiring in my career field. Therefore, I "mapped it out"Map it Out - I wrote down my plan of action, so I saw it everyday, seeing it kept me on track and it was there everyday reminding me of what I had set out to do.
Writing down your goals and what you need to do in order to achieve those goals crystallizes your goals. It makes it seem more real and by reading it and seeing it everyday can help keep you motivated towards your goals.
This method is not perfect and may not be appreciated by a lot of people, but what can do is give people a way to get started.
I did not create anything that will win the Nobel Peace Prize or make me the next Tony Robbins. I just wanted to create a method out of my experiences to help other women do what I did. Empower myself to get of the negative people in my life, achieve my personal goals and accept myself for the way I am.
To inspire women to empower themselves with personal stories, I don't think, is enough. Some women, even if they are inspired, don't know exactly where to start, therefore feel too overwhelmed and never reach the goals they want to.
No, I am not a scientist, lawyer or famous celebrity. Nor do I have a high IQ and am by no means am I perfect. However, the mistakes and failures in my life became the stepping stones to achieving my goals - but I still have other goals I am trying to achieve. I chose to take a path that would lead me to be self-reliant, responsible and successful.
What's the number one reason people achieve what they have always dreamed about?
What stops people from even trying?
Fear. Fear of rejection, failure, humiliation, financial-loss, etc. It is the fear, not the end results, that stop people from achieving their goals. Ironically, if you never try at something, you will never realize your full potential. Remember, success cannot exist without failure - to know success is to know failure. Your mistakes teach you what you need to improve on in order to achieve your personal goals. Therefore you must Face Your Fears and create a solution to overcome them.
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing
you will make one."
~ Elbert Hubbard
My example:
My fear was my weight. I was always an active child, but when puberty hit, my
metabolism, like may other female teenagers, took a nose dive, and I put on 15
pounds. I was 5'1 and went from 110 to 125 pounds and (according to the
weight charts) I was still in my healthy weight range. I knew I had gained weight, but wasn't too upset, I just took it in stride and thought I just needed to be more active.
My "taking it in stride" had all come crashing down and transformed itself into self-loathing, fear and anxiety thanks to my relatives. My relatives introduced me to the "F" word - they told me I was "fat". I was told that I would never have a boyfriend and that I would never be able to be a dancer or actress liked I had hoped. I was reminded about my "weight problem" on a weekly basis and at every cook out, holiday and birthday party. So then I started these ridiculous starvation diets that my mother was always on and began a viscous cycle of starving and overeating; thereby, making food the center of my world.
Years later, I would have to endure this mental abuse again from my first husband. When I was 26-years-old, I had decided enough is enough.
My first husband left me, tried to come back, and I told him to get out. I
didn't want anymore of his mental abuse and I had had enough of my relatives.
My fear about my weight and anxiety of having to hear negative comments came
to end when I had no more contact with him or my relatives.
I only associated myself with people who were positive and supportive. It
took some time, but I learned to change my thinking about food, accepted
myself the way I was and no longer overate on the weekends - and with
exercising - I had lost those 15 pounds, without dieting. Therefore, once I
became confident and secure with myself, I became strong enough that no one
could tear me down, emotionally, about the way I looked. I no longer saw food as a reward or ultimate pleasure, pursued other positive outlets that replaced my need for food. I taught myself that food is fuel for the body, not to soothe emotional scars or numb any pain or sadness. Taking on problems and fears head on, solving them, being responsible for my actions, replaced my need to drown in food or alcohol.
I also learned how to speak up for myself if someone says something inappropriate to me - I no longer allow ANYONE to blatantly disrespect, degrade or humiliate me - to my face. This includes relatives. I do not think that because someone is older and shares my bloodline that that gives them a right to tear me down emotionally or mentally. I have freed myself from being a victim, I refuse to be a victim of someone's unnecessary, insensitive and childish antics due to their need to try and control my feelings. People who overly criticize others (of whom they know and don't know) are actually showing you how insecure they are with themselves. They have to put down other people in order to make themselves feel better. These are the type of people I no longer associate with.
Education
Education is the pathway out of poverty. Education give you the skills needed to improve your career, health and personal life. When my husband left, I had to constantly work 2-3 jobs to stay in my house. Even though, I was able to survive, working that many jobs for the rest of my life was not realistic. Therefore, I knew that if I obtained a Bachelors Degree I would be able to apply for a job that offered a higher salary. I took the time to speak to a senior co-worker about how I could advance my salary, did some additional research and set out to change my financial future. Educate Yourself to learn how to improve your life.
Plan of Action
Once I realized what I had wanted to do and what I needed to do, I created an outline, a checklist of what needed to be accomplished. I needed to figure out what school was best, what scheduling worked best and what time I had available for my studies. When those details were worked out, I then created a list of classes that I needed to complete. As I was attending school, I made a list of companies that were hiring in my career field. Therefore, I "mapped it out"Map it Out - I wrote down my plan of action, so I saw it everyday, seeing it kept me on track and it was there everyday reminding me of what I had set out to do.
Writing down your goals and what you need to do in order to achieve those goals crystallizes your goals. It makes it seem more real and by reading it and seeing it everyday can help keep you motivated towards your goals.
This method is not perfect and may not be appreciated by a lot of people, but what can do is give people a way to get started.
Monday, October 18, 2010
What happened to the Feminist Movement?
Have you seen what's on TV lately? In the reality show arena, women have two choices - either be a spoiled, uneducated, selfish housewife of a rich man, or be a pregnant teenager. What does this message say to women? What happened to the feminist movement of the late 60's and throughout the 1970's? What happened to "get out of the kitchen and into the workforce"? What happened to women wanting to be independent and self-reliant? Is it all about marrying rich and then getting your own show? What happened to wanting to be respected for your brain, thoughts, feelings and for being a woman? The type of women on reality shows are not respected - do you really respect any of them? I don't. I think a lot of them are really sad, but unfortunately our society glamorizes them because they are making a lot of money off of it. Do we really want to teach this to our daughters and the entire generation of younger women?
The "Teen Mom" show on MTV really enrages me. Look at what they are promoting for ratings. If two 16-year-old girls are in the MTV casting office - guess which one gets the reality show? The one who screwed up - yes, screwed up. No 16-year-old has any business having a baby - and now girls are just doing merely to get on MTV and possibly be on the cover of US Magazine who now puts these teenage girls on their cover.
Dr. Drew Pinsky, who began with the Celebrity Rehab shows on VH1, apparently also created "16 and Pregnant" really thought that this show would be a tool to teach teenagers the downfall of being a young mom and help educate young girls (and boys) into making the right choices. Wrong, think of what you did, you put the show on MTV - teenagers idolize MTV, you get on MTV, no matter what the show, and you are a star to your peers, you are famous, that's what is inspiring teenagers to now get pregnant.
I don't understand the whole excuse of "peer pressure", I just said "no" and meant it. I knew I didn't want to get addicted to drugs and alcohol, like my relatives, and wanted to live a comfortable and successful life, unlike my relatives. No one ever tried to pressure me to do drugs or smoke, yes, had a couple of guys try to (strongly) persuade me to have sex, but I said "No" and was smart enough not to get myself into situations I couldn't get out of. This is not rocket science, I do not have a high IQ, it is simply knowing right or wrong, which I think today's teenage generation is more than capable enough to understand. However, thanks to MTV and US Magazine, now they have a way to achieve money and fame by consciously making the wrong decisions. "Jersey Shore" what does that highlight - people in the early twenties doing nothing during the day, sorry, forgot that they do "GTL", fight with each other and get drunk every week. Again, MTV shows highlight the worst in young people, but it gets ratings.
It seems that, not just women, people will do anything to be on TV, allowing themselves to be humiliated, degraded and even discriminated against - all for money and fame. Shows such as "The Bachelor" and various other dating shows, have 20 women competing against each other for one man. Would these women really do this if it was not on TV? Can they really be in love with a man they have never met? No. They are simply doing it to create their TV career. This is what we are teaching our younger generation of women and it is sad.
I do not have a daughter, I do have an autistic son, he does not yet understand any of these concepts I am expressing. My point is this, if I was blessed to have a daughter, as so many of you do, I would take them time to explain to her that these types of shows are highlighting the worst qualities women can have and view them as the example of what a woman should not be. If you want to watch the shows, fine, remember to laugh at them, not with them and be grateful you are not them.
Maybe there is something good about those shows, maybe women can use these shows to teach their daughters how not to be. Women should not have to make a mockery out of themselves to make money, women are capable of so much more. Women are capable of having a brain, creating something new, helping people, educating others, changing someone's life for the better, etc. The Feminist Movement is not about hating men, putting men out of work, or complaining - it is about taking positive steps to achieve something that has to be fought for - RESPECT.
***More blogs to come: "The FEM Method", "Searching for Gloria Steinem" and "Warning: Woman working in the Information Technology Field."
The "Teen Mom" show on MTV really enrages me. Look at what they are promoting for ratings. If two 16-year-old girls are in the MTV casting office - guess which one gets the reality show? The one who screwed up - yes, screwed up. No 16-year-old has any business having a baby - and now girls are just doing merely to get on MTV and possibly be on the cover of US Magazine who now puts these teenage girls on their cover.
Dr. Drew Pinsky, who began with the Celebrity Rehab shows on VH1, apparently also created "16 and Pregnant" really thought that this show would be a tool to teach teenagers the downfall of being a young mom and help educate young girls (and boys) into making the right choices. Wrong, think of what you did, you put the show on MTV - teenagers idolize MTV, you get on MTV, no matter what the show, and you are a star to your peers, you are famous, that's what is inspiring teenagers to now get pregnant.
I don't understand the whole excuse of "peer pressure", I just said "no" and meant it. I knew I didn't want to get addicted to drugs and alcohol, like my relatives, and wanted to live a comfortable and successful life, unlike my relatives. No one ever tried to pressure me to do drugs or smoke, yes, had a couple of guys try to (strongly) persuade me to have sex, but I said "No" and was smart enough not to get myself into situations I couldn't get out of. This is not rocket science, I do not have a high IQ, it is simply knowing right or wrong, which I think today's teenage generation is more than capable enough to understand. However, thanks to MTV and US Magazine, now they have a way to achieve money and fame by consciously making the wrong decisions. "Jersey Shore" what does that highlight - people in the early twenties doing nothing during the day, sorry, forgot that they do "GTL", fight with each other and get drunk every week. Again, MTV shows highlight the worst in young people, but it gets ratings.
It seems that, not just women, people will do anything to be on TV, allowing themselves to be humiliated, degraded and even discriminated against - all for money and fame. Shows such as "The Bachelor" and various other dating shows, have 20 women competing against each other for one man. Would these women really do this if it was not on TV? Can they really be in love with a man they have never met? No. They are simply doing it to create their TV career. This is what we are teaching our younger generation of women and it is sad.
I do not have a daughter, I do have an autistic son, he does not yet understand any of these concepts I am expressing. My point is this, if I was blessed to have a daughter, as so many of you do, I would take them time to explain to her that these types of shows are highlighting the worst qualities women can have and view them as the example of what a woman should not be. If you want to watch the shows, fine, remember to laugh at them, not with them and be grateful you are not them.
Maybe there is something good about those shows, maybe women can use these shows to teach their daughters how not to be. Women should not have to make a mockery out of themselves to make money, women are capable of so much more. Women are capable of having a brain, creating something new, helping people, educating others, changing someone's life for the better, etc. The Feminist Movement is not about hating men, putting men out of work, or complaining - it is about taking positive steps to achieve something that has to be fought for - RESPECT.
***More blogs to come: "The FEM Method", "Searching for Gloria Steinem" and "Warning: Woman working in the Information Technology Field."
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