The FEM Method

I created The FEM Method after being asked, by many women, "How did you get to where you are today?" When I thought about it, I realized that I did three things to help me not be a product of my environment, take control of my life and learn to accept myself the way I am. Overcame my fears, educated myself and mapped out a plan of action. The FEM Method - Face Your Fears, Educate Yourself, Map it Out.

I did not create anything that will win the Nobel Peace Prize or make me the next Tony Robbins. I just wanted to create a method out of my experiences to help other women do what I did. Empower myself to get of the negative people in my life, achieve my personal goals and accept myself for the way I am.

To inspire women to empower themselves with personal stories, I don't think, is enough. Some women, even if they are inspired, don't know exactly where to start, therefore feel too overwhelmed and never reach the goals they want to.

No, I am not a scientist, lawyer or famous celebrity. Nor do I have a high IQ and am by no means am I perfect. However, the mistakes and failures in my life became the stepping stones to achieving my goals - but I still have other goals I am trying to achieve. I chose to take a path that would lead me to be self-reliant, responsible and successful.

What's the number one reason people achieve what they have always dreamed about?
What stops people from even trying?

Fear. Fear of rejection, failure, humiliation, financial-loss, etc. It is the fear, not the end results, that stop people from achieving their goals. Ironically, if you never try at something, you will never realize your full potential. Remember, success cannot exist without failure - to know success is to know failure. Your mistakes teach you what you need to improve on in order to achieve your personal goals. Therefore you must Face Your Fears and create a solution to overcome them.

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing
you will make one."
~ Elbert Hubbard

My example:
My fear was my weight. I was always an active child, but when puberty hit, my
metabolism, like may other female teenagers, took a nose dive, and I put on 15
pounds. I was 5'1 and went from 110 to 125 pounds and (according to the
weight charts) I was still in my healthy weight range. I knew I had gained weight, but wasn't too upset, I just took it in stride and thought I just needed to be more active.

My "taking it in stride" had all come crashing down and transformed itself into self-loathing, fear and anxiety thanks to my relatives. My relatives introduced me to the "F" word - they told me I was "fat". I was told that I would never have a boyfriend and that I would never be able to be a dancer or actress liked I had hoped. I was reminded about my "weight problem" on a weekly basis and at every cook out, holiday and birthday party. So then I started these ridiculous starvation diets that my mother was always on and began a viscous cycle of starving and overeating; thereby, making food the center of my world.

Years later, I would have to endure this mental abuse again from my first husband. When I was 26-years-old, I had decided enough is enough.

My first husband left me, tried to come back, and I told him to get out. I
didn't want anymore of his mental abuse and I had had enough of my relatives.
My fear about my weight and anxiety of having to hear negative comments came
to end when I had no more contact with him or my relatives.

I only associated myself with people who were positive and supportive. It
took some time, but I learned to change my thinking about food, accepted
myself the way I was and no longer overate on the weekends - and with
exercising - I had lost those 15 pounds, without dieting. Therefore, once I
became confident and secure with myself, I became strong enough that no one
could tear me down, emotionally, about the way I looked. I no longer saw food as a reward or ultimate pleasure, pursued other positive outlets that replaced my need for food. I taught myself that food is fuel for the body, not to soothe emotional scars or numb any pain or sadness. Taking on problems and fears head on, solving them, being responsible for my actions, replaced my need to drown in food or alcohol.

I also learned how to speak up for myself if someone says something inappropriate to me - I no longer allow ANYONE to blatantly disrespect, degrade or humiliate me - to my face. This includes relatives. I do not think that because someone is older and shares my bloodline that that gives them a right to tear me down emotionally or mentally. I have freed myself from being a victim, I refuse to be a victim of someone's unnecessary, insensitive and childish antics due to their need to try and control my feelings. People who overly criticize others (of whom they know and don't know) are actually showing you how insecure they are with themselves. They have to put down other people in order to make themselves feel better. These are the type of people I no longer associate with.

Education
Education is the pathway out of poverty. Education give you the skills needed to improve your career, health and personal life. When my husband left, I had to constantly work 2-3 jobs to stay in my house. Even though, I was able to survive, working that many jobs for the rest of my life was not realistic. Therefore, I knew that if I obtained a Bachelors Degree I would be able to apply for a job that offered a higher salary. I took the time to speak to a senior co-worker about how I could advance my salary, did some additional research and set out to change my financial future. Educate Yourself to learn how to improve your life.

Plan of Action
Once I realized what I had wanted to do and what I needed to do, I created an outline, a checklist of what needed to be accomplished. I needed to figure out what school was best, what scheduling worked best and what time I had available for my studies. When those details were worked out, I then created a list of classes that I needed to complete. As I was attending school, I made a list of companies that were hiring in my career field. Therefore, I "mapped it out"Map it Out - I wrote down my plan of action, so I saw it everyday, seeing it kept me on track and it was there everyday reminding me of what I had set out to do.

Writing down your goals and what you need to do in order to achieve those goals crystallizes your goals. It makes it seem more real and by reading it and seeing it everyday can help keep you motivated towards your goals.

This method is not perfect and may not be appreciated by a lot of people, but what can do is give people a way to get started.